Disclaimer : This is not a part of my series about Mumbai. Forgive and bear with me. Also, I dont wish to hurt anyone's sentiments. These are my own personal opinions.
We all know how Indians feel about weddings. Indian weddings are loud, colourful, humungous, and expensive. I have never liked weddings very much, though that might have something to do with the fact that in the past 5 years I have attended 6 weddings in my so-called 'Close family' and so, now I am utterly annoyed and irritated. And what better way to get my vengeance than by blabbering about weddings on my blog! *evil Barney laugh*
Before I start of my long-list of complaints, here is a Guide to attending an Indian Wedding (Reception Guide) :
1. Whose wedding is it?
This is one of the most crucial questions you need to ask yourself because you need to know how long you are supposed to hang out at the wedding so that you can gorge on the food before leaving.
If you are someone who knows the bride or groom’s father or mother (or is a relative of a relative) because you are in the same business, building, friend circle, you just need to greet them, sit for 5 minutes, eat and bounce. See, the bride and groom don’t know you and really couldn’t care less.
If you are someone whom the bride and groom personally know but not all that too well, you have to go to the stage and wish them, which takes 30 minutes on a good day and an hour on a bad day. Then you can eat and bounce.
If you are ‘close family’ I pity you. Sure you meet your relatives and cousins and family, but how much can you really talk to them? Unless of course, you are the typical Indian woman. No offense ladies, but our woman can talk (Read: gossip) to anyone, anywhere about anything under the sky. True story. Otherwise, you are doomed to be bored, hungry (because you cant eat before the guests) and tired (because you are left standing) till the end of the ‘party’ because you are close family.
2. What to eat?
Well, Marwari weddings have an assortment of food. And they have starter and drinks going around for the guests. Am not so sure about the other weddings. Is it the same people? Do let me know.
So if you are a relative’s relative, well, gorge. No one knows you and no one really cares. So eat to your fill. The starters are usually delicious and my personal favorite. And eat all you can at the buffet, its free food. And delicious. And no one is watching. Word of wise: Have a light lunch, so you can make most of the buffet.
If you are a relative and know some people, well, its not that bad for you. You are talking to someone, and you really want to have that starter, well, in that case, you just nod to what they are saying and pray harder that the server comes to your corner with that platter. Then you get to take one bite. Even if it maybe delicious, I generally advise don’t go for the 2nd bite in the same platter. Makes you across as a foodie, and even though its not a secret its advisable to keep it to yourself, really.
Or you can pretend to look for someone and ‘bump’ into the server and have 2, maybe even 3 bites of that food.
The buffet, well, feel free. You can enjoy that one too, because all the people you know will be doing the same. 2 helpings is the maximum unless the group you are eating with mutually agrees to go for a 3rd round.
If you are ‘close family’ then sad for you, because you are left greeting so many people you really don’t have a chance to eat those starters. You generally miss out on one or two starters. Because how can you eat food while you are talking to your guests? Which is mainly for them?
And since the reception gets over at around 12, you really don’t have that much if an appetite. But the food area is empty and there is generally something you really want to eat, so you get to enjoy that.
3. When to get there?
Again, if you are a relatives relative 1 to 2 hours after the time as given in the greeting card. You really don’t want to come in early and seem like a wannabe, and miss out on the food. Plus, if you come in later, you get an excuse to leave early, because its getting late! (In case someone asks)
Someone who knows the family, well, 1 hour late is okay. You are going to have to stay for 2 hours at least so you don’t want to get home too late.
Close family, 1 hour before time and leaves 1 hour after the time. Sorry, but such are the perks of being a close family.
4. What to wear?
This is mainly for the ladies and the girls since the men have a set theme.
A relative’s relative, must wear traditional, simple not over-dressed. You don’t want to look like close family. That’s embarrassing and spot-light stealing.
Close friends, dress up well. You are going to have to think about what to wear a week prior to the wedding date. But the good news is you don’t have to borrow stuff! You can wear your own stuff, because no one will remember what you wore.
Close family…. Oohh trouble. You have to all your sister and bhabhis to ask for that oh-so-pretty sari, and get the blouse altered and find the right jewellery, and the right footwear. Oh the sorrows! And then on the D-Day you lament to your husbands or better half’s about how you have nothing wear, even though you have 10 sari’s that you have worn only once each.
And the same for the girls. You are forbidden to repeat your dresses if you are close family. They have seen your dresses, so buy or borrow, but you have to wear something new, even though it might not fit you all that well.
And yes you can lament too, about how you have nothing to wear.
So this is a huuugggeee guide to an Indian wedding. You see my point yet?
Allow me to tell you. They are a waste of time, money, food. Total, utter waste.
In the name of tradition, we waste so many resources which could have been put to better use. Why is a family’s reputation associated with the amount of money spent on the wedding? Why not with the people that form the part of the family? Why is it so important to have a big, grand wedding? What do you want to prove?
Indian weddings are no longer a tradition. They are now a burden on the families. They are an expense. They are a status-symbol.
And you know what’s worse? By the end of it, the bride and groom are forgotten. They are just an excuse. And sure they are treated as the prince and princess, but in reality they are just the face of the family for the night.
Give me one good reason to have such a huge wedding. Really.
You want to give blessings to the couple-call, text, drop-by.
You want to meet your family, have a family dinner!
The grander the wedding the more blessings the couple is supposed to have earned. That’s what my parents tell me and I am like “What the ****!” Because at the wedding, no one really wants to wish that couple. It might be a reason sure. But the main motive is sure as hell not that.
Status, Good and free food, or a chance to dress up and show off. Those are the motives. And then somewhere down the line maybe blessing the couple.
And you know what the cherry on top of this black, bitter cake is? It’s the fact that there will be so many of you guests who will eat and enjoy the wedding and then after leaving, complain about the provisions. Its really a sad state of affairs. You actually complaint about the free food and amazing service you got? “There were only 2 desserts, oh the Pizza wasn’t good, The drinks were so bitter” I mean really?? What gives you the right??
The amount of money spent on the caterer, venue, dresses, jewellery, gifts could easily buy the bride and groom a house in Mumbai. And the wastage of food, can feed so many people!
If I have my way, and I really wish I do, I want a smaller ceremony. Like a tiny ceremony. And I definitely don’t want the others I don’t invite to be offended. If they want to wish me, call please! I would love that more than anything.
I hope I got my point across about these weddings. And I really hope we can see a change around about the same.
We all know how Indians feel about weddings. Indian weddings are loud, colourful, humungous, and expensive. I have never liked weddings very much, though that might have something to do with the fact that in the past 5 years I have attended 6 weddings in my so-called 'Close family' and so, now I am utterly annoyed and irritated. And what better way to get my vengeance than by blabbering about weddings on my blog! *evil Barney laugh*
Before I start of my long-list of complaints, here is a Guide to attending an Indian Wedding (Reception Guide) :
1. Whose wedding is it?
This is one of the most crucial questions you need to ask yourself because you need to know how long you are supposed to hang out at the wedding so that you can gorge on the food before leaving.
If you are someone who knows the bride or groom’s father or mother (or is a relative of a relative) because you are in the same business, building, friend circle, you just need to greet them, sit for 5 minutes, eat and bounce. See, the bride and groom don’t know you and really couldn’t care less.
If you are someone whom the bride and groom personally know but not all that too well, you have to go to the stage and wish them, which takes 30 minutes on a good day and an hour on a bad day. Then you can eat and bounce.
If you are ‘close family’ I pity you. Sure you meet your relatives and cousins and family, but how much can you really talk to them? Unless of course, you are the typical Indian woman. No offense ladies, but our woman can talk (Read: gossip) to anyone, anywhere about anything under the sky. True story. Otherwise, you are doomed to be bored, hungry (because you cant eat before the guests) and tired (because you are left standing) till the end of the ‘party’ because you are close family.
2. What to eat?
Well, Marwari weddings have an assortment of food. And they have starter and drinks going around for the guests. Am not so sure about the other weddings. Is it the same people? Do let me know.
So if you are a relative’s relative, well, gorge. No one knows you and no one really cares. So eat to your fill. The starters are usually delicious and my personal favorite. And eat all you can at the buffet, its free food. And delicious. And no one is watching. Word of wise: Have a light lunch, so you can make most of the buffet.
If you are a relative and know some people, well, its not that bad for you. You are talking to someone, and you really want to have that starter, well, in that case, you just nod to what they are saying and pray harder that the server comes to your corner with that platter. Then you get to take one bite. Even if it maybe delicious, I generally advise don’t go for the 2nd bite in the same platter. Makes you across as a foodie, and even though its not a secret its advisable to keep it to yourself, really.
Or you can pretend to look for someone and ‘bump’ into the server and have 2, maybe even 3 bites of that food.
The buffet, well, feel free. You can enjoy that one too, because all the people you know will be doing the same. 2 helpings is the maximum unless the group you are eating with mutually agrees to go for a 3rd round.
If you are ‘close family’ then sad for you, because you are left greeting so many people you really don’t have a chance to eat those starters. You generally miss out on one or two starters. Because how can you eat food while you are talking to your guests? Which is mainly for them?
And since the reception gets over at around 12, you really don’t have that much if an appetite. But the food area is empty and there is generally something you really want to eat, so you get to enjoy that.
3. When to get there?
Again, if you are a relatives relative 1 to 2 hours after the time as given in the greeting card. You really don’t want to come in early and seem like a wannabe, and miss out on the food. Plus, if you come in later, you get an excuse to leave early, because its getting late! (In case someone asks)
Someone who knows the family, well, 1 hour late is okay. You are going to have to stay for 2 hours at least so you don’t want to get home too late.
Close family, 1 hour before time and leaves 1 hour after the time. Sorry, but such are the perks of being a close family.
4. What to wear?
This is mainly for the ladies and the girls since the men have a set theme.
A relative’s relative, must wear traditional, simple not over-dressed. You don’t want to look like close family. That’s embarrassing and spot-light stealing.
Close friends, dress up well. You are going to have to think about what to wear a week prior to the wedding date. But the good news is you don’t have to borrow stuff! You can wear your own stuff, because no one will remember what you wore.
Close family…. Oohh trouble. You have to all your sister and bhabhis to ask for that oh-so-pretty sari, and get the blouse altered and find the right jewellery, and the right footwear. Oh the sorrows! And then on the D-Day you lament to your husbands or better half’s about how you have nothing wear, even though you have 10 sari’s that you have worn only once each.
And the same for the girls. You are forbidden to repeat your dresses if you are close family. They have seen your dresses, so buy or borrow, but you have to wear something new, even though it might not fit you all that well.
And yes you can lament too, about how you have nothing to wear.
So this is a huuugggeee guide to an Indian wedding. You see my point yet?
Allow me to tell you. They are a waste of time, money, food. Total, utter waste.
In the name of tradition, we waste so many resources which could have been put to better use. Why is a family’s reputation associated with the amount of money spent on the wedding? Why not with the people that form the part of the family? Why is it so important to have a big, grand wedding? What do you want to prove?
Indian weddings are no longer a tradition. They are now a burden on the families. They are an expense. They are a status-symbol.
And you know what’s worse? By the end of it, the bride and groom are forgotten. They are just an excuse. And sure they are treated as the prince and princess, but in reality they are just the face of the family for the night.
Give me one good reason to have such a huge wedding. Really.
You want to give blessings to the couple-call, text, drop-by.
You want to meet your family, have a family dinner!
The grander the wedding the more blessings the couple is supposed to have earned. That’s what my parents tell me and I am like “What the ****!” Because at the wedding, no one really wants to wish that couple. It might be a reason sure. But the main motive is sure as hell not that.
Status, Good and free food, or a chance to dress up and show off. Those are the motives. And then somewhere down the line maybe blessing the couple.
And you know what the cherry on top of this black, bitter cake is? It’s the fact that there will be so many of you guests who will eat and enjoy the wedding and then after leaving, complain about the provisions. Its really a sad state of affairs. You actually complaint about the free food and amazing service you got? “There were only 2 desserts, oh the Pizza wasn’t good, The drinks were so bitter” I mean really?? What gives you the right??
The amount of money spent on the caterer, venue, dresses, jewellery, gifts could easily buy the bride and groom a house in Mumbai. And the wastage of food, can feed so many people!
If I have my way, and I really wish I do, I want a smaller ceremony. Like a tiny ceremony. And I definitely don’t want the others I don’t invite to be offended. If they want to wish me, call please! I would love that more than anything.
I hope I got my point across about these weddings. And I really hope we can see a change around about the same.
Sigh..
On this hard-hitting note, This is Madd Hatter signing off.
Will be back with my series on Mumbai, I promise.
Love,
Madd Hatter.
>:P
P.S. Its long I know, but I hope you read it through.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteJust read your posts 3, 4 and 5. (And btw, thanks for the mention :)! Was totally surprised!)
You missed something big here. The reason most people attend weddings is to find a suitable match for their sons/daughters or to just be the middle-man/woman to help someone find a match for their sons/daughters.
Agree with most of the things you've said here. Although, would've preferred more on what you wanted to say, about the weddings, than the guide to them :P.
Keep writing :).
-Setu Shah
(http://setu.me/)
That was certainly a morbid sin to forget the real reason for these weddings! Certainly my bad... Thanks for pointing out.. i am sure my dear brother out there can relate to that feeling of being the "prospective Groom" at these weddings! :P.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, that would take up one entire blog, arranged marriage...
Hopefully, you can expect one about the same soon! :D
Well it felt as if someone gave words to my agony. No wonder marwari weddings have set a benchmark for ostentatious display of wealth n opulence, but let me enlighten you, gujju weddings are no less, or you can even generalize the statement for weddings all over India. And if i'll have the reins of my wedding ceremony in my hands, as a matter of fact i will, id rather want it to be a sweet simple affair just like you said...So yea! A big nod 4 ua views...( Well well that doesnt imply u can ignore me from ua invitation list! Dare u do that!:-P) The descriptive part though big was humorous n absolutely true. I mean more than half of the time i havent even bothered to see the faces of groom and bride...n who realy cares, hell be with blessings!!! So yea a well written blog overall (I hope i aint sounding like a moderator of ua blog :-P)
ReplyDeleteKudos to ua efforts, u took an initiative to speak up atleast!
Supa lyk!
Yes Docomo, rightly said. The thing is I am most familiar with marwadi weddings so i gave an opinion about them.And i am looking forward to your wedding! :D Am sure it will be amazing!
ReplyDeleteNo you dint sound like a moderator! Not since you were complimenting me...! :D