Madd Hatter gave up

‘Dream a new dream, oh you young soul,

Live a new fear everyday,

And let go of the ones that you missed,

For they weren’t yours to begin with.’

When I was a kid, I dreamt of being an astronaut. I know a lot of kids did thanks to the Late Kalpana Chawla tragedy that propelled NASA and introduced kids of my generation to the very idea. I however, was more enthused about the idea for few more years. I wanted to see the stars and the moon and debunk rumours about the photo taken on the moon being fake (Was it only me who heard that one?)

That was the case till I realised my verbal abilities and discovered journalism as a career option. I was fascinated and often found myself day dreaming about getting the big stories. Along the way my dream changed again, and again and is still changing. And you know what is the most important part? That I am okay with that.

We grow as people every single day. Sure, the growth graph is ever changing; some days you grow bigger and better, some days you are worse off. Some days you wish and believe yourself to be capable of bigger and better things, and some days you don’t feel that. I often find myself thinking  how hard we are on ourselves for not wanting the same dream, for letting the dream change, or for not achieving it in the first place!

To all you people, who have let go of your dream, I am proud of you. Every broken dream, unfulfilled aspirations and unachieved expectations are as big a part of you as everything you have achieved and become. And every broken dream, will just pave way for a new one, a bigger happiness and a different life.

So stop being hard on yourself, about the things you didn’t achieve, the dreams that didn’t come true,  cause its okay!  Feel lucky; you have the ability to have a new dream, and the strength and belief to achieve it.

I gave up on a dream once, and saw more than one come true since.

Madd Hatter: The generation bridge

The generation GAP is such an inadequate term. A gap is something walkable, that one can overcome. A gap implies ease and small steps to cover. A bridge however, requires work, to build and then to walk. A longer distance and so much more efforts.

With parents, especially Indian parents, it is a generation bridge and takes a while, if ever crossed successfully. You have the parents on one end of the bridge, and the kids on the other.

Most days it is a tug of war, none willing to cross and each looking for ways to have the other person cross over. Talks, compromises, negotiations… fights, rages and violence. All the cards come into play. And then comes the final card, the emotional blackmail card. The opposing party has lost no matter what side he chooses.

Emotional blackmail is the card where the superior party, in India often the parents play on the emotions of the kids:

“Get married, we are getting older”

“Study, who else will look after us,”

“Don’t go out so late, you know I can’t sleep till you’re back home’

“Don’t drink; those are not the values I brought you up with”

“Go to the temple, it’s what I have imbibed in you since you were a kid so live up to it’

Or things on the same line.

It’s my least favourite card. It is when all logic goes out the door and the decisions of the kids are then used to quantify the love for the parents.

The Indian culture has for long revered and admired parents and the society and the rich cultures and traditions that each generation brings with them. Having said that Indian culture doesn’t give space to individuality. It doesn’t cater to an individual’s freedom and the same are shunned upon and oppressed by the society and in many cases the families. Kids are either supressed and made to follow the traditional way, or they are always chastised and condemned to live in guilt for not ‘loving their families enough’ and the worst, ‘bringing shame to the families’

There are widespread cases of child marriages, suicides due to parental pressure, honour killings (though I don’t know how that one got its name, for there is absolutely no honour in killings), dowries, etc. all because we fail to realise what is good or not good for us and our families.

It is a loss-loss situation for the kid. He is either condemned to doing something he never wanted to do or he has to live with the guilt of hurting his family.

Then there are the miracles. The families that have learnt it the hard way or easy way, whichever. The ones that have recognized individuality appreciated and whole heartedly supported them. The lucky few chosen kids get to make their mistakes, learn from them, and live with their own mistakes and the best part, with the full backing of their families.

I know my rant sounds one sided. It is one sided even in my head.

And I also, know the fact, that parents only and truly love their children and want nothing but the best. But their perspectives are marred by the expectations of the society and the unwillingness to stand by their kids for something so clearly shunned by the society.

The fear of being condemned wrong by the society. Their love is marred by the opinions of a hypocritical and non-existent society.

I love my parents. I truly do. I have struggled in the past few years to cross the bridge. I think we both have. They struggle to understand my dreams and I struggle to understand their expectations. They struggle to understand my sense of freedom while I struggle to understand their clear and apparent gender bias. They struggle to understand how they brought up a daughter with dreams so different and wrong, while I struggle to understand why they wish that my brother would want my dreams.

It is a difficult struggle. It is a war at times, and it is a grudging and unwilling pact at times.

We live through it each day, will maybe one of us crosses over or give up trying to cross over. Time shall tell.

Mind and memories: Fickle friends

Our mind is quite the fickle thing. It makes our memories so perceptive and subjective. How and what we remember of a day or moment will always be different from what our companion on the said say will remember. You will not remember an uneventful walk yet you will remember that one walk when you met your old friend after ages.
I was sitting in class for a difficult Financial Management lecture, where I had after much struggle understood a theory and related concept, which I was able to apply to a given problem, yet my answer differed. Why? Because I, no, my mind had forgotten quite a basic concept.

All of us have childhood memories. Yet what we remember and what our parents will remember will always be different. Because the feelings associated with the memories are always going to be different.

I am sure my parents remember the first time I learnt to ride a bicycle. It was a moment of great pride for them. A smaller me, on my four wheeler bike riding away. I however, have no recollection of the same. I do however remember cycling and banging (yes, banging) into the compound wall and hurting myself quite badly – stitches and the works. The scar today is my moment of pride, proof that I was always the badass.

A girl in a relationship is accused of remembering things said maybe 10 months ago (or forever ago). However, she remembers things that made her feel a certain way and is holding to that feeling, the hurt, sadness, anger, happiness for an appropriate or as the case maybe inappropriate time to share. Sure, the men are left quite clueless, but that’s simply because the feelings towards that memory were quite neutral for the men! Not saying who is right, who is wrong, but isn’t it helpful to know why the memory stayed?

My mom has a fantastic memory. It has its own perks, however, none that I can think of. The unfortunate part, which I believe is for my mom is that she remembers all the bad stuff. Like a wise guy often tells me “A goalkeeper is never remembered for the goals he saves, but the ones he misses”. The not-so-great stuff about her life and all the feelings regarding that memory will compound and rollerball into something bigger than it is. Its quite unfortunate that a memory or many memories make her the person she is today – happy or sad.

I guess what I am trying to say is that perception to a situation results in a feeling to a situation, which then results in a memory and makes us. (I am so tempted to put the statement into an equation.) And over time as we keep revisiting the memory, our perception and feelings towards it change. And then we change.

Mind is a fickle thing. It tricks us into being happy and sad people. Proud or ashamed people. Content or discontent people.

Memories are not reliable. They shall fade and all that will be left will be the feeling that will linger and bother you.

And on this sullen note,

Je t’aime,

Madd Hatter

>:P

Madd Hatters backpacking dreams

We always think we have enough time. Enough time to follow our dreams. We are just 20; we have the whole life to follow our dreams.

Then 20 turns to 21… 21 to 25… and you’re left wishing… if only I had done that.

I am turning 21 in a couple of weeks. I have a bucket list. And I keep telling myself I am a step closer to it. Every day I convince myself I am closer to it. But the truth is I am not. Every day that I am not living my dream, am a day further from being happy. Maybe I am being cynical. Maybe I am being overtly expectant of myself.

But the truth is there are 20 year olds out there jumping off cliffs, deep sea diving, watching a sunset, watching a sunrise, walking the beach, trekking up a mountain every damn day of their life. And they are doing it, some because they were born into a family of means. And then there are some, who are doing it all, because they chose to. Because they spent an entire year working their ass off, and then take that perfect 15 day break, with money they earn and enjoy the trip and literally live every moment, before they go back to the monotony of work whilst looking forward to the next holiday.

I don’t want the five star hotels or the big Jacuzzis. Sure they are fun once in a while. But they aren’t as good as crashing at a stranger’s house and meeting new people, or sleeping in the barn or under the stars. Shit I am talking like I have lived it all. I haven’t. I want to.

But I wish I had the guts or the ability to save enough to pack up a bag and leave. And run.

I have a wish-list of 25 places I want to visit. Apart from the things I want to do. So even if I start of visiting each place a year, I will be 45 by the time I am nearing completion of the wish-list. That’s old. And that’s if I start now.

Honestly, a part of me just wants to run. And be alone with the world and nature and everything else that there is to offer. I wish I had the guts to that. I wish I had the guts to do it alone, because I know I want to. There’s independence and certain fearlessness in doing things by yourself. Travelling by yourself. It’s so liberating, and strengthening. And requires courage.  Nothing can break you if you can travel alone and I firmly believe that.

As I turn 21, I wish for enough courage to take a trip by myself once in a while. And not have to depend on anyone. I am gonna wish to meet new people on my travels. Fall in love with people, places and do it all alone.

This 21^st birthday, I am gonna wish for courage to be alone.

 

Love,

Madd Hatter. >:P

Madd Hatters needs peace of mind!

Long time no words from Madd Hatters hat eh? Its been a busy time... Or rather there are only so many days you can use that excuse... So here I am! Back with words, memories and place.

You know each day goes by, and you think it was the same, yet everyday seems a little different from yesterday? A little further away from the people gone, a little closer to people there. A new memory to recollect, a new lesson to remember. Time goes so fast, and yet so slow.

I have had days, where my mind is overflowing. Too much in my head. All at once. And its in these moments that I have fallen in love. With the beach. In the morning or late evening.. Its my place of peace. My thoughts stop, my mind empties. Am a free bird at the beach.

The Juhu beach in Mumbai, to be very honest is not always clean, so no it doesnt have the clean, blue water. And yet, there's something about the beach. Maybe the easy accessibility, maybe the feel of sand in my feet. Maybe the sight of the endless albeit not blue ocean before me. Maybe sun going down in the horizon, maybe the beautiful moon overhead. Maybe the waves slashing at my feet, maybe the sight of waves meeting from a distance. Theres just something about them.

I have been to the beach too many times. I have lost count. Would you believe it I go to the beach at least once in a week? And I am yet to be bored? Maybe its my escape mechanism. Hell, why maybe, I know it is. But so what?

After all, I have some of my favourite memories on the beach, talking, walking, singing, dancing (yes dancing, just once but <3!) or sometimes just sitting. Alone and with people. I have walked and sat at the beach for hours by myself. And not felt like leaving.

I leave the world behind, and its just that moment, with someone or myself that matters. Time has stopped. Serenity. That moment. Its magic. Each of my moments at the beach, have been a new me. Each connection made at the beach. I cant put into words, the feelings felt.

There's just something magical about the beach. Or maybe its just a matter of my perspective. Its my place of peace and memories, so whats yours?

Headed to the beach already!

Ciao!

Love,

Madd Hatter >:D

Madd Hatters crusade for reason!

So what is your reason you wake up every morning? Whats the inspiration to keep you going? Whats the reason you shake yourself off that beautiful dream and put your foot into harsh reality? What keeps you up during a messy day? Whats the one thought, desire that makes it all worth it?

I was always curious about what kept people going. Its so different for so many people. Everyone. Someone does it for their better halves and special someones. Others for their folks and family. And yet someone else idea reason can be something as simple as a round of beer with friends. Some might find peace in a book, a walk by the sunset, cup of coffee by the sea.

You know what keeps me going? The dream. The ideal life. Thats what keeps me going every day. Every day I get a little closer to it. It keeps me going. Everytime I a little down, I probe my mind and for that perfect little picture and it all seems better. (Okay, I am lying. I create a ruckus, some drama, some tears and then probe my mind... But I get there! :P)

So whats yours? The one thing that you must must have? The thought that gets a smile to your face? Dont have one yet?

Time to figure it out buddies. Life is to short to live it without dreams. Life is too short to not have any broken dreams. Life is to short to take each day as it comes. There will not always be tomorrow. And you dont want to look back and think, 'I never did that'.

Its never too late to start, but its never too early. The sooner you start, the more time you have to get there, and the more time to live it. Push yourself to your limits, grow, reach for more. Dont stagnate. Dont wait. There may not be tomorrow.

So whats your reason? Do share in the comments.

This festive season, be inspired. :)

Happy Diwali people!! Have a Madd Madd diwali!! :D

Love,

Madd Hatter.
>:P

Madd Hatter shares a lesson.

I always prided myself on being a good talker. Orator rather. I talked with confidence, my language was good enough, and most of the time, I knew what I was talking about. However, in the past 2 months, as I work with an MNC (as a CA Article to all those wondering how old am I to already be working! :P) realised that I am not. I am a debater. Not a talker, not a conversationalist.

My senior had a very interesting remark to give me on my feedback. He said something that will stay with me for quite some time. "There are a 10000 people working in this company. That means 10000 different point of views. And 10000 different egos that you can hurt. Because everyone has an ego whether they admit it or not. So when you are talking to people you have to know how to talk to them to get your work done" Those were his exact wise words, amongst others.

A lot of us unconsciously know about this fact. Yet realisation is an entirely different thing from knowing. And I have realised how unsuitable my way of talking is. And I am sure a lot of you people out there who know me will agree to that fact.  Each one of us has a distinct way of talking. We talk in a certain manner - polite, soft, to-the point, not too much, brash, aggressive. And we talk differently with different sets of people, unconsciously.  Obviously the people we are comfortable with see our best and worse sides more often than others. People we don't like so much we don't talk much. People at work we talk differently.

What I mean to say is, that talking is an art that one learns or needs to learn when you are working as a professional. We need to consciously be able diversify the people you work with, your clients, your clients clients, and many other such diversifications. And we need to be able to hold a conversation with each one of them differently. Because we have different needs from each one of them.

Some of us, are blessed with that skill. Some of us need to nurture it. learn it. So be it, that has never stopped us from achieving our goals has it? J

Very interesting isn't it? Ah! The things you learn in a professional environment. Makes you rethink your own potentials and set a higher benchmark.

A lot of CA's out there in their articleships will have thoughts on this. As will others working as interns. Please do give me your feedbacks, I look forward to them.

And I know this very off topic but what the hell, right? Tell me what you think  about my off the topic topics too!  :D

Look forward to writing more often for the few readers I have! :P

A Bien Tot (See you soon)

Love,

Madd Hatter >:P